my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
