Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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