I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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