It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
