A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
