at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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