i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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