Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
