Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
