I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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