is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
