I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
