i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
