you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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