If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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