I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
