Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
