shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
