those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
