I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
