Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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