I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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