We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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