You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
