I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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