I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
