He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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