She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
BRING THE BAGELS
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
