Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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