good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
