I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
