Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
