I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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