some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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