I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
