we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
