I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
