Jerry, you need to find god
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
