Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
