I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
