i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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