What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
