I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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