I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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