he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
