Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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