i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
