Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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