Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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