Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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